Can you help victims of religious abuse from inside your own religion? Is it possible to reform a group and refrain from past philosophies and deeds that have been abusive to members in the past? The answer to both of these questions is, of course, yes.
In the spirit of our site, we must remain religiously neutral and we cannot endorse an priest or group, regardless of philosophies or deeds.
Many from within the religion have written to us to tell us that this is the only fair way that a help center such as ours could ever exist to serve victims appropriately we must never endorse and group or religious figure while remaining fair to all.
We have taken that advice to heart and have produced this document for those within the religion as a guide to how you can help and how you can reform groups from within.
For clergy and non-clergy here are some suggestions for helping victims of religious abuse from within:
- LISTEN AND BELIEVE.
You might ask, how can I take the word of one person over another? You can't. And in that case your hands are tied as far as being able to do anything about it, unless, there is some evidence for criminality
(empty bank accounts, receipts, that kind of thing). Since the vast majority of abuses in these religion are not criminal, but ethical issues that often straddle that line, one report, one word against another is going to be difficult to prove.
And that is where LISTENING AND BELIEVING comes in.
You don't have to make a federal case out of an ethical violation, you don't even have to approach the alleged perp about it. All you have to do is show compassion, listen, understand, and trust that what you are being told is true by the victim. Consider the likelyhood of someone who is obviously disturbed, upset, crying, in pain, telling a lie for the thrill of it. Not to say this never happens in situations of religious abuses, (and in that case the person lying is the real abuser.) only that it doesn't fit the logical model of Occam's Razor. So the message here is LISTEN AND BELIEVE. Show compassion, show mercy, show concern when you are approached by someone who claims to be a victim of religious abuse.
- Always remember that sometimes it is best for people to leave a religion they feel has hurt them in some way. Support the victim's right to leave the religion on his/her own terms.
When counseling someone who has been a victim of religious abuse leave a very wide space for that person to make their own decision about whether to leave or stay in the religion at this time.
- If the person has made the decision that they wish to remain on some level in the religion, why not offer clergy services needed for their healing for a few pennies? Besides doing that you should always refer a victim of religious abuse to professional counseling. Make a rolodex of doctors and social services that you can refer to. Many universities offer mental health help at a free or reduced rate as well, many university hospitals offer health care services to the public at a free or reduced rate.
Take some courses which would help you as a clergy person to understand and serve victims of religious abuse.
- If a blatent ethical violation is right under your nose, SAY SOMETHING. You don't have to make it into a public issue, but you can go to that person and tell them that what they are doing or saying isn't ethical. Let them know that someone knows what they have done or said isn't ethical.
- Encourage the person that has approached you to visit our site and if they feel comfortable doing so, post their story on the site.
- If you have a website: Link to us! There is no better way to say you support victims of religious abuse than linking to us! You are also free to copy any part of this website as a guide to post on your own site to help the victims of religious abuse who may visit your site.
Now for the bad part. This is a list of things you should NEVER DO OR SAY when faced with a case of religious abuse:
- NEVER SAY: "I guess it was their destiny for abuses to happen to them."
Honestly, we can't think of anything more ignorant, cruel and heartless than to say something like this. People who say things like this have no business serving in the clergy.
- NEVER SAY: "I've been scammed and victimised in the religion too; but I didn't need a support group!"
We say, whatever works for you. But don't try to dismiss the victims who need support to heal from religious abuse.
- NEVER SAY: "Your group is going about this the wrong way!"
You think you have a better solution for serving victims of religious abuse? Then stop criticising our efforts and do something.
- NEVER SAY: "Why can't you people just move on with your lives?"
We have moved on and upward, seeking support for religious abuse is A POSITIVE ACT TO COUNTERACT A NEGATIVE, ETHICAL VIOLATION.
NEVER FORGET: The victim of religious abuse is NOT THE PROBLEM. The victimiser is the problem and to ever say or insinuate anything less than that is to re-victimise the victims.
|
